I don't know what hurts more: the fact that she's pregnant again, or that no one wanted to tell me.
Two and a half years ago, just as we were recovering from the devastation of our one (and only) FET attempt, I learned that my little brothers' girlfriend was pregnant. She was 17 years old and a senior in high school. He was a freshman in college.
This was shortly after my drunken-while-pregnant, drug-abusing, lying, cheating, stealing half-sister gave birth to a precious baby girl.
I remember curling up in the bathtub, crying. Wondering why so many people in the world are given so much, when others are slapped in the face over and over again. Why I worry about a child with birth defects if I miss a day of prenatal vitamins while others dine on seafood, MSG, and caffeine during pregnancy without an ill effect.
If you had told me that my little brother and his girlfriend (now wife) would have two children before B and I had one...well, fuck. I might have just drowned myself in the damned tub. But now that's reality.
They have the most amazing little 2-year-old boy. And now there's another one due in April. I sort of found out accidentally. Cause who wants to be the one that tells the crazy infertile hangin-on-by-a-thread twin pregnancy-losin' chick that she's about to be an aunt for the hundredth time? Huh? You? I didn't think so.
My mom and step-dad came to see our new place. We had a few drinks before we went to dinner. Just sitting around, gossiping. As we were talking about my little bro, I said (referring to his wife)--"yeah...if I didn't know any better, I would guess she was pregnant again." Awkward giggle on my part.
Hear the crickets chirping? Yeah. Silence.
My mom: "ummmm...well, actually...she...is."
Me: "What?"
Mom: "She is."
At this point, I'm already tearing up. I've endured many pregnancy announcements/births/baby showers. But this is the first since we lost our girls.
And its my little brother.
Fuck.
Then there was some talk about the due date and someone said something about them having my nephew and "now a new little baby." I lost it. Started crying and ran upstairs. And I'm not the type of person to cry in front of other people, even my parents.
I hate this person I have become. This bitter, jealous, emotional wreck. This person that cries unhappy tears at the announcement of a new niece or nephew. What kind of person does that??
Me, I guess. Me.
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22 bazillion swimmers:
Who feels that way? Every infertile does. You aren't alone, I guarantee that. You just got the mostest shittiest end of the stick..more so than most of us. If we are like that, how much more would you be? I don't think you should ever apologize for how you feel. You went through such devasation. It sucks, big time. Grief is a bitch.
I understand how you feel. My BIL knocked up his gf. You know "the condom broke" My BIL tries to be sensitive to my feelings he asks me before he puts the baby directly in my face, he doesn't unless he has no other choice. My MIL decided to "get me over myself" by plopping the crying hysterical infant in my arms and walk away leaving me abandoned. Like the pp said. Never apologize for how you feel. It's your blog, let her fly :) You're not alone.
You're not the only one to feel that way. You're not alone.
My sister-in-law told me (on my birthday no less) that she is expecting her third child. She then went on to tell me that it was accident. Condoms and birth control, and they still end up with a baby and we're still trying. My husband and I cried in the car all the way home.
I'm jealous and bitter. And I'll always believe that they don't deserve to have all three of them.
It hurts... Just seeing her hurts me.
I have until April to get used to it. I should be happy to have another nephew.
I'm sorry.
I think you're a normal person. It's not the seafood and msg-eating people that bother me...it's the "oops! I sneezed and got pregnant but I can still drink alcohol" people who bug me. Or the ones who get an accidental pregnancy and then whine about how hard life is with so many kids, or how bad their morning sickness is.
I have had some CRAZY hurtful pregnancy announcements thrown my way since I lost my girls- unbelievable. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It's really not fair. Period.
I'm so sorry. I've been in the same rough situation. My BIL has three messed up kids, but they seem to keep popping them out. (((Hugs)))
Me, too.
Ugh,I don't think there is anything I can say. It just sucks! You are completely justified to feel this way so don't apologize.
So, what did Sandy decide?
Sweetie, BIG HUGS! Whatever you are feeling, IS FINE! You have to work through YOUR emotions on YOUR timetable. Don't feel ashamed because you feel this way. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I can take certain announcements, but others send me upstairs to crawl into bed and turn the lights off for a LONG CRY! And I can't tell you which ones will do it to me. I guess its the ones that I can mark time by. Like, __ is pg with her 4th child before we have ONE! We got married at the same time! UGHHHHH Know I'm thinking about cha. You are the first one I go to on my 'reeder. For some reason, I've just got to know you are okay. You are making it through. Putting one foot in front of the other. Breathing in and out. Keep working through the pain. Don't worry about how you have to get there, just keep goin!
Oh trust me, my brother and Mr. Badger's sister each got married in the last year (not to each other). We live in fear of a) them getting pregnant before we get a match and b) them getting pregnant at all.
Oh, I'm so sorry. That wasn't even an "announcement" it was more like an awkward admitting, which is even worse. My friends and family do that too, and I always wonder how long it would have gone on before they actually told me on their own.
It sucks and it's so painful. But don't ever hate the person you are for your normal reactions. I would have done the same thing and felt the same way.
Thinking of you!
I'm sorry. To me, tat would be awful, urtful news too... so for youI know it's way harder.
My younger sister has had 2 already. I know her 3rd will be ant time... it is the worst.
Yeah, lots of people do that. It isn't fair at all and I am quite angry at the world about it.
When my sister told me she was pregnant with my third nephew and her first child, we got into a massive fight because I didn't react strongly enough, even though she was downplaying it completely, trying not to upset me, and it was the day after the most stressful day of my work life, ever, and I was completely exhausted and she knew that, and still thought it was the right time to tell me. And still we wound up crying and screaming at each other over the phone, and it took months to get back to some semblance of our previous relationship.
So you are not alone, sweetie. Definitely not. And it's so hard to honour and respect your own feelings when others are rushing in, trying to tell you how to feel, and on top of that there's all the guilt at not being happy to hear about it.
I'm hoping you can let yourself off the hook on this one - your feelings are ok, no matter what they are and no matter how hard it is to feel them. No need to judge yourself for feeling hurt and sad and angry that you're not making the announcement instead of your brother. Wishing you peace with all of this.
And I'm the oldest, so both my younger sisters have kids, and I know that adds an extra sting to it all.
You took the words right out of my mouth. That IS the person I've become. I try to deal with it and manage it the best that I can, but I never can completely. I'm just doing the best I can; guess we all are. We're all here for you, so know that you can turn to us for anything.
I wish I could make it better, but all I can say is I understand ...
My sister just popped the annoucement of #2 on me as well, a "we weren't trying" thrown in there for good measure.
I bawled.
Sending hugs your way.
You are entirely too hard on yourself. Your parents could have told you gently. In my extended family, my mom would hear from one of her brother's that another grandchild was on the way. She is a wonderful keeper of confidences, but she would ALWAYS let me know, so that I wasn't caught off guard in public. It was a hard balance. I hated if it felt like friends kept it from me, but also hard to hear it. The nicest way I was every told was by my cousin, who is like a younger sister. She had tried hard to get pregnant and had finally been successful after some heartache, a loss, and real insensitive SIL's two pregnancies. She was happy and didn't hide it, but acknowledged it was "bittersweet" knowing my pain. You deserved better from your parents and I'm sorry.
PS. After one of my surgeries on our journey, Twitney Spears gave birth for a second time. That was a HUGE slap in the face and in my demerol fugue state, I made sure everyone in the recovery room knew how I felt about it. It really cannot be what Darwin meant by survival of the fittest. Gah.
It is like a knife in the heart. That's so not fair. I feel the same way you do--so bitter and angry. I can't help it and neither can you. I'm so sorry. I'm sending {{hugs}} and good vibes to you.
Fuck. Fuck.
I had a student last week tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant. It took every ounce of me to hold back tears.
I do. I am just like you. I cried for days after finding out that my sister "R" was pg with her third. (second since we started TTC) You want to know how I found out my sister "K" was pg (keep in mind I thought we were BEST FRIENDS). My mom told me when I called to tell her that I was pg. Real nice. My first ever pg announcement was met with (oh...your sister "K's" pg too!
Nice...Many tears and MANY beers have followed that conversation! (of course the beer came after my miscarriage!)
You're not the only one. I'm right there with you on the bitter part.
Oh honey. That's normal to feel that way. Granted, by normal I mean ou IF fucked up version of normal, but still.
And that was a terrible way for your family to handle telling you. I'm so sorry.
Definitely not alone!! (((hugs)))
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