Last night, however, I found out that someone close to me...someone who I love and trust, has completely stabbed me in the back. My (step) MIL, J. The one we went to Haw.aii with.
I have to preface this with a few facts about the trip:
- I didn't want to go...but B did not have FORCE me on the plane.
- Neither she nor my FIL saw either of us cry. EVER. We didn't have any emotional outbursts.
- We were on the computer for no more than 15 minutes per day, many days we didn't spend any time checking email, etc.
- On the hike from hell, they didn't hear us complain once (we didn't want to give them the satisfaction)
- B's sister knows nothing about the urn, pictures on my computer, etc.
Last night, B's sister called and told him that she needed to talk to him. I was at the gym at the time. She had been holding some things in for a few days and knew that what she had to say would hurt him.
Without getting into a long explanation of family issues, B's sister and step-mom have never really gotten along. Which makes the following all the more bizzare.
B's sister got together with my IL's a few days ago to go for a run. FIL has a sore hip, so he decided to walk while sis and MIL (J) ran.
This is how their conversation went:
Sis: So how was Hawaii?
J: The trip was great...but (in an disgusted tone) your brother...
Sis: What did he do?
J: Well we took them on this beautiful hike and all they did was complain the entire time!
Sis: Oh...
J: And then they wanted to go out for pizza one night. We just don't eat fatty food like that!
Sis: Mmhmmm...
J: And then we were at the beach, I did feel bad for Mandy having to be around all those kids in Ha.waii.
Sis: (I blanked this part of the conversation)
J: Ugh...but Mandy...she is completely overreacting to the point of being almost psychotic. B had to carry her on the plane because she was crying and didn't want to leave the babies. She's acting ridiculous. They weren't children...they didn't have anything...they weren't here. It's ridiculous that they have an urn. They sat on the computer and looked at pictures all day.
Oh. My. God. I have never been so completely flabbergasted in my entire life. When I came home from the gym B was in an intense conversation with his mom, so I knew something was up. He didn't want to tell me because he knew how much it would upset me...but I forced it out of him.
I can't believe that someone I loved and trusted so much would hurt us like this. Many times throughout the trip she told me how "amazed" she was at how well I was handling things...and that "she would be a complete wreck". One night at the bar she decided to confide in me about some things, making me feel comfortable enough to confide in her about my feelings. I didn't say much and I DIDN'T cry...but I told her that its been hard and it hurts, etc.
I'm still in shock. How could a family member hurt us like this?
Before I got home, B tried to get in touch with her, but his dad wouldn't let him. B tried to tell him some of the things that J said about me/us...but he hung up.
You can talk shit about B and me all you want...but if you mess with my kids...its OVER. I am completely DONE with her. I will never be able to forgive her for this. EVER.
B and I talked for hours last night and both agreed to cut off all communication with them (after B sent her a pretty nasty email). We won't answer phone calls/emails/texts, etc. If E (B's dad) wants to come visit, he's more than welcome to...but we refuse to associate with her whatsoever. They own our house (we pay most of the mortgage), so if they want to come spend some time here we will stay with my parents.
After all that we've been through, would it be too much to ask for a little compassion? Hell, I don't even need compassion...I just don't want to be stabbed in the back by someone that I loved.
33 bazillion swimmers:
Holy crap! I would probably come unglued over something like this. Seriously, my blood is boiling just thinking about it. Why do people have to be so judgy and vicious over baby loss?
Sorry hun, not what either of you needed, especially from family.
This is so awful, and it made me sad just to read about it. I'm glad that the rest of your family seems to understand just how completely inappropriate it is.
What an evil, hateful woman. I am so sorry she hurt you like this. I think you are doing the only thing you can in cutting ties with her.
Unbelievable. You are lucky that you have the support of your husband. People are just assholes. Sadly, at the moment, my mom is being one, as well.
I am so sorry this happened. What a witch!! I don't blame you for cutting it off with her.
You don't deserve anything like this! I'm so sorry! I'll be thinking about you. ::Hugs::
OMG! What a b*tch!!! You're *supposed* to be able to count on family. That is terrible. BTW, all your feelings toward the twins are totally justified, and she's an insensitive wench for not being able to have an ounce of true empathy.
Wow - I'm so sorry you are dealing with this sweetie. Best of luck distancing yourself.
Sometimes I wonder ... what the fuck is wrong with people?!?
You don't need that crap and you surely don't deserve it. She's lost her frickin mind.
I think cutting her loose is the best thing you can do for your family. There's no telling what other types of poison she'd be spilling otherwise.
Your twins were real babies, it was a tragic, real loss, and your grief is ABSOLUTELY justified.
What a clueless, insensitive excuse for a human being.
I am SO sorry that you were subjected to her personality disorder. Cutting her off seems like the only reasonable option.
I'm de-lurking to say that your hurt is justified. Your daughters were (and still are) your children, and it should only be expected that you mourn their deaths as much as you would mourn the deaths of children who had taken breaths. I am sorry that not everyone realizes this and that you have been hurt as a result.
I am so sorry this has happened to you guys. After all you have been through, you would think that a family member could have a little sense and act like a caring adult (that doesn't lie!!!). Hugs..
I can't believe that they didn't hink it would eventually get back to you! How insensitive is she really? it doesn't take a rocket sciencist to know that this crap she has spouted would hurt you and B. Cut them off, thats what I would do to.
Hateful. What does she expect from the two of you? I'm sorry that you're both going through this.
Bitch...nothing else to say.
Whoa. Huge hugs, doll. Separating yourselves from that type of behavior is the only rational reaction.
Take heart in knowing the kind of love you have for your children is a true gift and something not everyone is capable of. Thank goodness you and hubby are on the same page.
Agreed it's definitely time to move on from that horrible woman!
I am F'in flabbergasted. And if I wasn't in China I'd be hauling my butt over to her house to kick her as* on your behalf (sorry if that's rude, but she earned it).
Eliminate all negative and non-supportive forces from your daily life, I say.
It is HER problem. Sorry she is trying to make it yours. Gawd, am I angry right now!
I'm so sorry that your MIL is such an insensitive bitch. No one should have to hear such shit from a family member.
Your babies are most definitely babies. And real. And loved. And will continue to be.
Don't listen to the venom coming out of her mouth. She bites.
That's fucked. And it makes me really mad just reading about it.
I want to punch someone!
Wow. I am SO sorry. What right does she have to judge you?!?!?! She has never been in your shoes! She wasn't even being truthful! Wow. I am so mad right now.... unbelievable.
Don't listen to what she says. She's spewing garbage out of her mouth.
I'm very sorry that you had to have that hurt - especially from family. Your mourning is absolutely justified - they were your babies and always will be.
You just do whatever has to be done to help yourself and B grieve and get through each day. Cutting ties may be exactly what is needed right now.
((hugs))
That is just mean and petty, I'm so sorry!!!!
Oh my gosh. This is awful. Why some people feel the need to talk behind one's back is beyond me... I'm so sorry this happened. Hugs to you.
Wow, she is clearly a very misguided woman. While people who have not walked in your shoes cannot imagine the pain you are going through, compassion should require no experience. I pray for her, that she learns compassion before she needs it one day herself.
*Nobody* has a right to judge your feelings. If you want to mourn your babies, mourn your babies (IMHO that's a totally normal thing to do, but even if it weren't, it's your decision).
Cutting ties is probably a good thing. She may just end up mad at your SIL for repeating the conversation, but at least she will realize it's not okay to say one thing to your face and another behind your back.
God, I'm just so shocked. Does she have children of her own? Actually I don't give a shit if you've had children or not a loss is a loss and just because she never saw them didn't mean they weren't real and they weren't loved and didn't mean the world to you guys. Gosh, I'm crying as I wrote this so if I'm this pissed I can only imagine how this has made you feel. I wish I could hug you, sweetie! Not only is she an evil MIL, but an evil step MIL to boot!
Oh honey, that is so shitty. I'm so sorry...
Is it possible that this is partly a case of telephone, where each person heard something that sounded worse than what was meant, until it seemed truly vicious?
Either way, it's awful. ::hug::
That is not right at all. I'm so sorry they were insensitive and down right rude. You are a mother mourning the loss of her daughters. {{hugs}}
OMG! How could she do such a thing.
Take all the time that you need to grieve. she has no effing clue.
I'm so sorry, sweetie, that someone so close to you can be so hurtful and clueless. I think you're doing the right thing by making some safe space for yourself by not having her in your life right now.
Wishing you peace and healing from this very hurtful incident.
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. I know you are devastated. When tragedies happen and it seems things can't get worse, people whom you trusted can turn out to be huge disappointments.
Your SMIL was way out of line in saying what she did. However, I wonder, since you say your SIL and she don't get along if your SIL didn't change your step-mother-in-law's comments to make them seem worse than they were. Since you didn't hear her say any of those things do you think it might be better to confront her instead of cutting her off?
I have two SILs who can both be snakes in the grass; they're sweet to my face but behind my back? Yow! I wouldn't believe a thing either of them told me a third party said about me. It's not that they hate me but they love drama and if they think they can get even with someone they don't like by telling me lies about that person, they'd do it in a heartbeat.
I just wanted to add another perspective. if you trust your SIL totally and you know she's completely reliable then ignore this comment.
-Palmer
I'm just so appalled on your behalf.
Some people just aren't worth it.
i think i hate her. yes. i do. this is a major reason why my husband is with his parents today on his own, and i stayed home. my inlaws have never gone that far, but they have more than hinted at their disaproval of my 'loatihg'. um, it's called grief. i'm glad however that this has not caused a rift between you and your dh. glad you are on the same page.
Post a Comment